Family Picture
by Rena Redhead
Summary: Cologne, Spray Paint, and Batboys.


**Disclaimer:** I didn't own DC Comics characters years ago, I still don't now.

 **Author's Note:** I'm…. really feeling the nostalgia hit me these days, haha. Hello all! Still not dead. They can't stop me from coming back eventually. But yeah, hi! It's been a while, no? Life's been very hectic lately. I was living overseas for a bit and my jobs have been taking up a lot of my time, so I haven't really had a lot of time to write like I use to. However as of late, I've been feeling all fond over reading Teen Titans, Batman, Nightwing, and DC Comics in general. Lots of things have come through my newsfeed as of late and across my iphone screen and basically… this is the result.

For the record, I don't claim to be an expert on Damian Wayne or Jason Todd's speech patterns or personalities so I hope you can forgive me on that if something seems a little OOC. This was just a fun little drabble in which our 4 favorite Robins take great delight in causing their Daddy Bats some misery. It's not really supposed to fit anywhere in particular with current continuity. Just take it for the 'humor'-based story that it is.

For more updates from me, be sure to check out my homepage which has been updated extensively and follow my work. As of now though, please enjoy this little one shot!

 _ **-R-**_

 **Family Picture**

Alfred had insisted.

Insisted.

The man obviously must enjoy torturing him.

Bruce sighed as he sat on the chair waiting for the butler to set up the lights. Proficient in everything, seriously, that's what Alfred was. Suddenly, the door burst open and a young man, boy really, came tumbling into the room, a mischievous smile on his face. Bruce raised a brow as Damian began to hum as he made his way over to his father.

"What did you do?" Bruce asked.

"Nothing," came the innocent answer.

Eyeing the boy up and down, Bruce suspected foul play, but was too tired to try and deal with it. At least the kid was dressed to the tens… for once… well, all but his hair.

"Really Master Damian, how many times have I told you to use that styling gel; your hair looks like a rat's nest," Alfred chided, leaving the room for a comb.

"I look better than the other two…" Damian muttered under his breath.

"What's that supposed to mea-"

Bruce didn't finish his sentence on account for the loud banging coming from outside the study.

"Jason, if you dare!"

 _Clash!_

"I'm going to pull your pants down next time we see Babs for this!"

 _Bang!_

"Go ahead, I'm not shy!"

 _Clang!_

"You sick, watch it!"

"Make me!"

A scream.

"JASON!"

Finally, the two tumbled into the study, half wrestling, half falling on top of one another, a green can of spray paint in the elder's hand, the younger's face and hair a matching color.

"You should tell Gar to move over, the look suits you," Jason remarked.

"I'm seriously going to murder you!"

"As if daddy's boy!"

"I'll help!" Damian chimed in.

"Enough!" Bruce snatched the spray and pulled the two apart.

"Jason, what on earth would possess you to…"

"He drags me here for some dumb picture, forces me to get in this monkey suit, and then 'accidentally' knocks my cologne all over me? As if!"

"It was Dick's cologne, not your's," Tim corrected, and as always was proven right when the other two quickly smelled a strong whiff of Cristian Dior's "Sauvage." Definitely Dick's.

"Ohhhhhh! Nightwing's gonna be tic- Ow!" Damian reacted to a quick smack to the back of the head.

"This is totally revenge for hitting on Cassie last week!" Jason accused.

"No, it was an 'accident' that you caused from hogging the mirror and continuing to push me out of the way!"

"You hit on Cassie?" the youngest asked.

"Hardly," Tim said, clearly irritated.

"Sure did, and she liked it."

"You smacked her-."

"Tim!" Bruce interrupted.

"Why are you yelling at me?! He's the disrespectful one!"

"Who smells like Dick does after a date with a gorgeous redhe-"

"Damian, will you please be quiet."

"What did I do?"

The door opened again, "Sorry I'm late, I was coming back from Florida and I… oh my gosh, what is that… Jason, is that my cologne?"

"Yes, and way too much of it," Bruce answered.

"It's Tim's fault, he's the one who dumped it on me!"

"You _'dumped'_ it on him?!"

"Of course no-"

"You know how much that stuff costs?!"

"Dick, please," The headache was getting worse.

"He's just a clutz, I didn't do anything."

"I don't care, you're both paying me back for it."

"Are not!" came the unison.

" _I'm_ the victim here!" Jason claimed, in an overly dramatic tone.

"Victim? You wuss, _I'm_ the victim if there is one. I was just doing what Alfred told me to do!"

"Bull crap!"

"How much was that stuff anyway, Dick?" Damian prodded.

Bruce texted Alfred to also bring dry shampoo and a damp face cloth.

"You just wanted an excuse to make me look like an idiot!"

"144 plus tax."

"Ha! You do that plenty fine yourself if you ask me!" Jason laughed.

"Dangggggggg! How can you pay so much to smell like that?"

"No one's asking you anything!"

"Well, I don't use _that_ much of it…"

The ruffian sniffed his elder, "I beg to differ."

"Jason, Damian, both of you would you please stop talking."

"I use a 'tasteful' amount, thank you very much."

Tim rolled his eyes.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Dick asked, indignantly.

Damian snorted back laughter.

"Way to play favorites, Bruce," Jason remarked.

"I don't use that much!"

"Yeah, whatever," Tim remarked.

"No, you're both just the loudest," Bruce stated.

"I don't, and I expect 72 from both of you."

"Ouch," Damian commented.

"Seriously?! Who's the date with this time? Babs or Kory?"

"I'm not going on a -"

"Doesn't take a genius to figure it out," Tim muttered, again rolling his eyes.

"Like you could get a date," Jason said with a snide smile.

"Or you!"

"Wait, who is it?"

"Did I not just say to be quiet?"

"He said Florida, Damian; it's Kory."

"Babs must be hurting," Jason remarked.

"Not as much as you were after Cassie knocked you into next week after you had the nerve to feel her u-"

"You're just jealous, little Timothy."

"'Little Timothy'? What are you even…"

"I thought you saw Babs last week," the youngest commented.

"Bruce, come on, he's deflecting all the blame from-" Tim started.

"No, that was for an assignment, I'm not dating either of…"

"If you're not, can I get Babs' digits?" Jason asked.

"One more word out of you and…"

"He's lying, Jason."

"Tim, you too…" Bruce added.

"How do you know, Tim?" Damian asked, eyebrow raised.

"I'm not lying!"

"There's traces of Jasmine scent coming from you too; you were with Kory."

"Show off, loser."

"Excuse me?"

"It wasn't like…"

"Dick, please just drop it," his adopted father asked.

"You heard me."

"'Least I'm not sporting a black eye," Tim retorted.

"'Least I'm not half green and I could make it past first base!"

"Pervert."

"Goody two shoes."

"Oh yeah, you can see it under the makeup, lol, nice shiner," Damian quipped.

"I'll give you a 'shiner'."

"As if! Father would kill you."

"Not before I do," Tim interjected.

"Or I get my 144."

"I'm not paying 144!"

"Well, I'm not either."

"Dick, you got a text!" His youngest brother chimed in.

"I'm going to take a shower…"

"Not until after this photo," Bruce demanded.

"Hey, give that back!"

"Honestly, the smell is an improvement for you," Tim commented.

"You want some of this?!" Jason snapped.

"Thank you for the wonderful time, Dick. Can't wait to see you again! X, O, X, O, Kory," Damian read.

"No, and neither does anyone else," Tim told him.

"Damian, don't read other people's mail."

"I will seriously scalp you."

"Jason!"

"Give it, Damian!"

"I'd like to see you try!"

"Snot-nosed pompous know-it-all."

"Nah uhhhhhhhh…." the child replied.

"Maybe if you actually studied, you'd be a half decent crime fighter."

"Tim!"

"He's kinda right though…" Dick added.

"Damian, 10 bucks for the phone."

"What?"

The phone flew into Jason's hands.

"Jason, hand it over," Dick demanded

"Tell Bruce to let me take a shower then."

"You know he's never giving you that 10," Dick briefly remarked to Damian, before turning his attention back to the brother who now had his phone.

"It's funny that you're the one begging for a shower."

"You're next, Drake!"

"Meh, I'll just steal a 20 out of his wallet later."

"Damian, I will ground you for a month…"

"Hi Kory, I want to confess my undying love for you…" Jason read as he typed out the response.

"Bruce, stop him!"

"Really, Dick? When has Bruce ever been able to stop him?"

"Excuse me?" Bruce eyed Tim for the statement.

"But because I'm a shy coward with severe commitment and self-esteem issues…"

"Ha, you just nailed him."

"Well, it's kinda true…"

"Timothy Drake..."

"I hope you can deal with our forever on again off again relationship."

"Burnnnnnn."

"Bruce!"

"Would you all just leave me out of this?" Bruce sighed out, exasperated.

"Yeah, Father has enough trouble dealing with Ms. Kyle…"

"So freaking accurate, Damian," Jason commented.

"What are you implying, young man?"

"Jason, if you send that, I'll get Roy to make you part of his next target practice."

"Nothing."

"Oh, fight your own battles for once."

"He does that more than you do, genius," Tim related.

The bickering, climbing and jumping over furniture continued.

"Tim, you're not helping."

"PS. When we're not an item…"

"Hello sweet 50," Damian said as he snatched the bill out of Jason's wallet.

"You couldn't get the phone while you were at it?" the eldest asked.

"Tim says he's okay dating older women," Jason added to the text.

"I am not!"

"Bruce, do something."

"I am, I'm grounding your brother."

"Grounding me, really Bruce?" Jason questioned.

"Not you, him."

"What, why?" Damian moaned.

"Dick, deal with this on your own," Bruce instructed, effectively cutting off any further whining from the oldest.

"Why do you think, you little thief?" Tim said.

"Watch it or I'll give Jason your phone too."

"Fine, I will!" Dick said.

"When did you get that?!"

"Uh, oh."

"Father, can you unlock Tim's phone?"

"Uff!"

"No, and Richard, watch the antiques."

"Give it ya little…"

"Sorry, Bruce."

"Give me a 50 and it's all yours."

"Damian!"

"Alright, alright, Grayson, I give! I give!"

"That's what I thought."

Tim lunged at and missed Damian by a hair, "I'm not giving you a freakin' 50."

"Yeah, because he owes me 72."

"Dick!" Tim exclaimed, with slight betrayal.

"Well, you do."

"Jason, what would you give me for Tim's phone?"

"Honestly, I just want to feel my arm again…"

Dick snatched the phone of his 2nd youngest brother away from the youngest.

"Hey!"

"Mind your surroundings more next time short stuff. Tim, catch."

"Thanks, Dick."

"I, I…. I will pierce your inner ear drums one day, Grayson!" Damian said, attempting at making a good threat to his elder.

"Like you could," Tim commented.

"Why on earth is he so violent?" Jason questioned.

"As if you're one to talk," Tim responded.

"Talk to me in a few years when you've hit a growth spurt," Dick replied to the youngest.

"Ha, he won't need that long," Jason remarked.

A kick.

"...Ow."

"All of you please, I have a headache…"

"I didn't think you could get headaches…"

"Bet it's not as bad as the pain I'm in…"

"Oh, quit complaining," Tim told Jason.

"He is human, Damian."

"Hi kettle, I'm pot."

"What are you, 5?"

"No, I'm 12, moron!"

"He wasn't talking to you," Dick clarified.

"Oh."

"Who are you calling a moron?" Tim yelled.

"You, moron," Jason replied.

"Jason, I swear you _are_ 5 sometimes."

"Jerk."

"Don't call Father a jerk."

"Yeah, you're the jerk."

"Come at me Drake, see what happens."

"I swear, living under the same roof as you is as bad for my health as your lack of showering is for yours."

"Guess that's why the cologne seemed like an improvement," Damian said.

"If you guys don't like it, go live with Grayson."

"Wait, are you really not showering every day?" Bruce demanded.

"I would, but his fridge is never full."

"Oh yeah, because my paycheck should go to feeding you and your cologne wasting habits."

"Lol, good one, Dick."

"For the last time, that wasn't my fault."

"Of course I showe- Agh, Grayson! The Heck," Jason spewed as the fresh scent of more cologne hit him.

"Sorry, it was impulse."

"Nice impulse."

"No, it wasn't, he didn't need any more of it," Bruce snapped, disgruntled.

"Why do you carry cologne on you?"

"I hate the word "impulse". It always makes me think of that speedster, Bart."

"Because."

"So?"

"Because why?" Todd questioned.

"He's loud and annoying," Damian explained.

"Unlike you?" The younger one glared at Drake.

"I like to be prepared."

"For what?!" Jason asked angrily.

"For a beautiful redhead," Tim filled in automatically.

"Why do you all assume I only care about redheads?"

"Ha, you've admitted it yourself, genius, even I know that," Jason responded.

"Hey Jason, where did you get that green spray from anyway?"

"Do you want to get into even more trouble?"

"I don't think he cares," Tim said.

"Got it from Roy, ask him."

A stomp and a gasp escaped from Jason's mouth.

"That's it, Grayson!"

Jason lunged at Dick, but missed, tackling the younger by mistake.

"Agh! You'll pay for that!" Tim yelled.

"Damian, duck!"

 _Smack!_

"Whoops."

"Tim, you're dead!" the youngest screamed.

"All of you stop this right now!"

The order fell on deaf ears as Damian kicked at Tim who dodged, only to stumble over Jason's frame and into Dick. Immediately, Damian tackled Tim on top of the body pile and the older two were faced with a barrage of elbows and knees slamming into them at random. The four continued to scream at each other as Bruce stood there, the headache now a migraine. It would be really good if Alfred could come in about now and...

"Young masters! What in heaven's name are you doing?!"

The five occupants of the room suddenly froze. Alfred had returned. This was bad.

"I am gone for a mere five minutes and… Master Tim, what happened to your hair?" Alfred exclaimed as the four got to their feet.

"It wasn't my fault, Jason sta-"

"It was no-"

"Not another word out of any of you," Alfred snapped, sighing to himself.

The four boys obeyed without even a hint of hesitancy. He motioned the older teen over and began using the face cloth and dry shampoo to remove what green spray he could from the boy's face and hair. Damian snickered as Tim turned red in embarrassment, but felt a good elbow to the gut from Dick, which made him stop. Jason looked rather pleased with himself until Bruce gave him a death glare, which, for some reason, Jason actually found pretty intimidating for once.

Finally, the butler managed to make young Tim look presentable enough for the photo. He brushed out Damian's knotty hair before styling it back with hair gel, a look very unusual for the lad, which was apparent as the boy wrinkled his nose.

"Alright, now, Bruce, you sit in the chair, Damian, sit on the arm of the chair, Jason, in the back, Dick to Jason's right, and Tim, to the left, next to the arm rest."

The five masters of the manor did as they were told, getting into position, mostly just glad it was almost over. Alfred readied the camera.

"One, two…"

Damian grinned widely. Jason smirked. Tim awkwardly tried to smile, while Dick's beamed naturally. Bruce, well, the corners of his mouth perked up, just a bit, for the photo. He normally never smiled, so this was at least something.

"Three!"

The flash went off and the five were soon blinking madly in response.

"We good?" Bruce asked.

Alfred looked at the image on the display screen, "I'd say so, thank you all."

They all relaxed. Finally, they could go. Dick took out his phone to make a call before returning home.

"THE HECK YOU SENT IT?!"

 _ **-R-**_

 **A/N:** Haaaaaaa I love these boys. I'm sure Bruce does too… somehow. XD This was a little different than what I've normally done in the past, but I hope it worked out and was a good read. Anyway, please feel free to review and have a lovely day.

Later,

~Rena


End file.
